MacBook Pro: Great Product, Shame about the Name

Early feedback from the launch of Apple’s new MacBook Pro indicates widespread dissatisfaction with the name. While the product itself is the usual sleek and sexy toy we’ve come to expect from One Infinite Loop, the name is going over like techno at a Metallica concert.

As a public service, Apple Matters offers the following alternative names for the MacBook Pro. Apple… are you listening?

1. Apple Sweetheart Pro

Like “PowerBook” it has emotional pull. Mac users, like lovers, are often irrational. However, Apple’s efforts to break into the enterprise market could be sabotaged by small business users attempting to write off purchases for their “Sweethearts.”

2. Apple TikiGod

Mac users already ascribe supernatural powers to their PowerBooks, iMacs, etc., so the Apple TikiGod should fit right in. The MacBook Pro itself is certainly hot enough (see Apple OuchBook Pro, below), a little fire coming out of the sides and top at random moments couldn’t make things much worse. 

3. The Beatles

It’s got great brand equity, it’s a name known the whole world over, and right now no one is using it. Of course there’s that little lawsuit to worry about.

4. OuchBook Pro

There’s absolutely no truth to the rumor that surgeons are using MacBook Pros to cauterize surgical cuts. However, Perkins will soon be serving their new signature breakfast, the MacBook Pro Bacon and Eggs.

5. Debt

As in, as long as I need a laptop that can boot up Windows XP, why get the Dell and have a thousand dollars still burning a hole in my pocket when I can buy the most stylish WinTel box on the block. No, not the Sony VAIO silly!

6. Apple eMate 300

You can boot into OS X, WindowsXP or NewtonOS while contemplating what could have been.

7. Dell Inspiron

Why not? Same clunky OS, same clunky name.

8. Bluetooth Touchscreen Video iPod

You know you want it. You know you’ll run out and buy it the minute your neighborhood Apple Store has one in stock.

Next week we’ll have new stir fry recipes for your Mac WokBook Pro. Or the MacGeorgeForemanGrill Pro…